I’ve been learning a lot lately about what it means to be bipolar. There’s a lot of character traits I possess that I never realized were symptoms. There’s also a lot of symptoms I didn’t realize I possessed as character traits. For example, when hypomanic, bipolar people tend to have increased confidence, often to the…
Author: timpangburn
Getting lost in losing time
The sounds ringing through my head are only echoes now. Echoes of something foreign. A role I played, in some fever dream. Warhorses on the ashes of enemies, crushing bones beneath hooves. Flayed alive in all the splendor of hell. Even seeing days beyond that is a gift. I could at any time fall to…
Toxic positivity in motivational speaking
Coming out of such a long running episode has been incredibly strange. The more time that passes, the more I realize just how long this was going on. My attitude has slowly been reverting back to how I was in 2018. Motivated, positive, driven. There’s something different about it, though. I’m not the same. I’ve…
An old man bitching about tattooing
I’m going to ruffle so many feathers tonight. And bunch all the panties up. Why you ask? How? Because I’m pissed at tattooing again and I’m constantly begging to be at war with someone. So what is it I’m bitching about? Strap in and get ready for a ride, because I’m coming organized. Ignorant style:…
I barely function
I haven’t written a blog post worth writing in nine months, and almost every single one starts out with a similar sentence about how I haven’t written any blog posts. So I guess this one isn’t that different, except MAYBE I’ll hit that publish button. The reason I’m writing tonight is because there’s been a…
I’m not my mental illness, my mental illness is me
I know I’m fucked up. I know I do things that are hurtful, and that I change my mind often and drastically. I know my moods shift rapidly and unpredictably. My mental illness isn’t a separate entity, it is a defining factor in my personality. There is no depressed Tim, manic Tim, and normal Tim….
Will you cast the first stone?
In the Bible, in the gospel of John, the Pharisees brought a woman charged with adultery to Jesus as an attempt to discredit him. They asked him to be the judge, and under Mosaic law, her punishment was stoning. In a crazy twist, Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”…
You’re worth it. No, really.
Oh, if I had a dime for every time I felt worthless, I’d have a shitload of dimes. It goes hand in hand with mental illness, it goes hand in hand with being an artist. Me being a mentally ill artist doubles my worthlessness! But that’s nonsense. I know I’m not worthless. It’s just the…
Consider me Miles Davis
In 1985, I was a a first grade student at St. Mary’s Catholic school in Salem, New Jersey. I had started partway into the year, having been homeschooled for about a year after my extended chicken pox absence from public kindergarten. My parents felt that catholic school provided a good education and, even though they…
Less than spectacular: overcoming insecurity through a growth mindset
Here I am, less than spectacular. I’m 42, and I’ve gotten wide round the middle. I have bad teeth, and the salt and pepper forming in my hair looks more dirty than sexy. I have some sort of dry skin thing on my knees and elbows. I’m less than spectacular. While being less than spectacular,…