Human
Coming out of such a long running episode has been incredibly strange. The more time that passes, the more I realize just how long this was going on. My attitude has slowly been reverting back to how I was in 2018. Motivated, positive, driven. There’s something different about it, though. I’m not the same. I’ve […]
Oh, if I had a dime for every time I felt worthless, I’d have a shitload of dimes. It goes hand in hand with mental illness, it goes hand in hand with being an artist. Me being a mentally ill artist doubles my worthlessness! But that’s nonsense. I know I’m not worthless. It’s just the […]
In 1985, I was a a first grade student at St. Mary’s Catholic school in Salem, New Jersey. I had started partway into the year, having been homeschooled for about a year after my extended chicken pox absence from public kindergarten. My parents felt that catholic school provided a good education and, even though they […]
I try to wax poetic, but I don’t think I’ve had enough coffee. Maybe it’s lack of coffee, maybe it’s a lack of motivation, but it doesn’t really matter because the results are the same. I just can’t put together anything more than a regular ol sentence. This has been going on for weeks, and […]
I’m in a shifting landscape. We all are. I don’t know if anyone realizes the weight or extent the past year’s events, but I know it’s all going to come home. Our news cycle happens so damn fast, that it’s impossible to keep up. There’s riots in the capital. COVID-19 has killed more than 375,000 […]
I wonder all the time why I bother writing a blog. I’m inconsistent, negligent, and most of my observations are, on some level, just me complaining. I talk about productivity but get nothing done. I talk about motivation but can barely get out of bed. I talk about mental health and sobriety when both are […]
I’m in a slump. Somewhere inside, I’d like to get things done, and make progress on goals, but outside I’m coated with a general malaise. It’s part depression, part pandemic, and part disruptions in my medication. Basically, I’m all fucked up. I don’t know what to do about it. Normally when I get stuck, I […]
Who had plans for 2020? I know I did. BIG plans, too. You know what I did with those plans? Threw them in the shitter. Covid-19 hijacked any plans we made. By late March, I had already begun shoving things to the back burner. Now, I’m not even sure where the stove is. I’m not […]
I take five different antidepressants and mood stabilizers to keep me in check. Without them, I have little control over mood swings, and the depths of depression are unpredictable. Some of them I’ve been on for more than 5 years, some for less than a year. They all serve a specific purpose. Recently, I had […]
Addicts are addicts. It really can’t be helped, and when an addict finally kicks their drug of choice, they find other addictive outlets. Hollywood has it right when they show an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and everyone is drinking huge amounts of coffee and chain smoking. My caffeine intake easily doubled after quitting, and my three […]