Oh, if I had a dime for every time I felt worthless, I’d have a shitload of dimes. It goes hand in hand with mental illness, it goes hand in hand with being an artist. Me being a mentally ill artist doubles my worthlessness!
But that’s nonsense. I know I’m not worthless. It’s just the dumb part of my brain holding me down. You know why that happens? Because your brain wants to protect you. So why would it make you feel worthless? Because it’s got some fucked up Munchausen by proxy with the rest of your brain. If it makes you feel shitty, then it can take care of you. If it cuts you off from the world, then it’s all you have and you’re forced to rely on it.
Rely on that little liar, that lizard brain bastard just toying with your emotions. That’s what it wants. That little chunk of grey matter called the amygdala exerts mad control over the rest of your brain. It makes you emotional, it makes you do what it wants so you can get a little spittle of dopamine.
Worth is in the eye of the beholder. Even better, worth is a human construct. It doesn’t really mean what we think it means. When it comes to doing coverup tattoos, I’m worth my weight in gold to many people. When it comes to professional basketball, I am even less than worthless. When it comes to my dog, I’m worth so much that I’m her entire world. When it comes to my health insurance, I’m worth the check I write every month. See what I’m saying?
When it comes down to it, none of those views of my worth even matter. Even if the NBA would laugh at me if they saw me play basketball, I can thoroughly enjoy it and that’s all that actually matters. One person’s view doesn’t need to affect my own. BTW I hate playing basketball.
Now things are a little different when you’re the one viewing yourself as worthless. It’s those hypercritical self assessments that hold you down, that make you not want to get out of bed. It’s these times when we DO need to look to others, because even though their opinion doesn’t matter in the end, it can help give us perspective. Perspective is everything.
The world doesn’t exist from the viewpoint of one person, it’s collective. Six people looking at a statue from different angles will describe it differently. The same can be said for the world, the cities, trees, and even you. It’s why there’s so many opinions on every single subject. Different viewpoints.
You’ve heard that between two people’s stories lies the truth? It’s the same thing when dealing with feelings of worthlessness. Look at someone who holds you in high regards and look at your own feelings of inadequacy. They may have beaming reasons you’re great, while you’re mired in your shortcomings. It doesn’t make your greatness less real, just as their opinion doesn’t make your shortcomings less real. But you know what? We all have shortcomings. Faults are part of the human condition.
Faults are no reason to feel worthless. They allow us to see our strengths and weaknesses, and where we can grow and where we can thrive. You’re a work in progress, like the rest of us, and the time you put in to improve is worth it. That means that you’re worth it. You’re worth every struggle, every tough day. Every bout of depression, every anxiety attack, you’re worth it. You’re worth that effort to overcome and manage the difficulties of life.
Don’t give up. You have something to give the world that’s worth more than gold.