I deactivated my Facebook today. It’s not the first time I’ve done it, and I’m already saying it won’t be the last. Facebook is crack cocaine for ADD. That’s most of the problem, but not the whole problem. It’s been love/hate for me for years.
It’s not that we polarize each other, or create echo chambers. It’s not that they’re data mining or my phone is listening while I’m not using it and feeding info back to Facebook. It’s not even how much time I waste endlessly scrolling through clickbait. It’s what it does to my mental and emotional state.
Facebook hasn’t been part of my day to day for awhile now, because I’ve been trying to limit my use. It was too distracting, and always caused me to accomplish less than I wanted. Today reinforced that, and pushed me a little further.
I can’t scroll through the feed for 5 minutes without getting into an argument. The blame rests firmly on myself, and the fact that I’m too nosy, too opinionated, and I always feel the need to “correct” people. Of course, a lot of my opinions are less than popular, as they rest more in logic, coupled with esoteric musings that can easily be written off as either rambling or nihilistic. I dehumanize humanity to remind people we are animals, and I idealize compassionate equality; even as I understand that man is a destructive beast who wishes nothing more than victory for territory. Even if that territory is opinions and the false importance of one’s knowledge.
So I can’t go 5 minutes without an argument. Today I found myself throwing around unwarranted opinions, telling people to fuck off, and blocking people before I even had my pancakes. I get on Facebook and my soapbox is suddenly a pulpit. Cheers and jeers are wood and water to the fire I lit while scrolling up and down.
It’s fucking poison. The frustration and anger from yelling at strangers because I’m right and they’re wrong bleeds heedlessly into my day and corrupts my disposition. It weighs on my conscience and disrupts the work I plan. So here I am at 2pm with little to no accomplishments, and a thin veneer of righteous indignation.
The real use of social media, for me at least, has been for exposure of my work. More recently, it’s been to spread messages about sobriety, mental health, and finding practical positivity in a fucked up world. It’s kind of hard to spread any form of positivity when I’m rage typing because someone disagrees with me. ESPECIALLY when my opinions can sometimes be difficult to grasp for the general public.
It’s kind of funny that I’m even making this blog post. It’s no different than the oft mocked Facebook farewell post. The announcement to the virtual world of my departure, as a last cry for attention. The hope that someone will be devastated I am gone, and miss my wit and insight, then periodically checking to see if the likes or sad reacts or number of comments will justify my inevitable return.
In the end, it’s all been craving validation, as so much in my life boils down to. Validation that I logically know I don’t need, but I still pursue like a deranged stalker cutting his fingers off with a bolt cutter while popping Percocet sitting across from his ex girlfriend’s house. (Bonus points if you get the reference.) It’s probably better if I stop seeking it. A man with a selfish agenda doesn’t need a pulpit.
If you’re looking for me, I’m still not hard to find, I’m just rage typing a little less.